I spent a rather large portion of the day today texting back and forth with various people about an upcoming birthday celebration for a partner's ex-partner (who is still an intimate friend of his). Do you want to know a great recipe for Completely Unnecessary Drama? Here it is: mix together five people's schedules, and five people's venue preferences, and five people's communication styles; then blend in a truly dizzying array of dyadic dynamics, one at a time, stirring constantly; and finally, top with grated old resentments and a dollop of fresh jealousy.
Yum, yum. Does anyone want fries with that?
Whenever I have a day like this, I feel a little bit silly about having set myself up as a relationship advice columnist. Although I have fifty years of experience in long-term relationships – nine more years than I've been alive, even! – I still regularly run into situations where I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Relationships are complicated. Open relationships are even more complicated. And I am not remotely perfect, or even perfectly poised about my many imperfections.
What does all of this mean? It means that there is no way I'm ever going to get everything right. The best I can be will never be as good as I wish I were. But it'll just have to do.
So today, I'm feeling great fondness for all my fellow strugglers and stragglers out there: if you are earnestly engaged in the messy process of doing your best, but you're feeling a bit down right now, this one's for you.